Logical questions?!?

This letter nearly defies explanation. But let's try and make sense of what Mary Lou Bates of Bethany is trying to say, nonetheless. She begins:

Some logical questions for Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel and President Barack Obama might include these:

OK, so first off: why are we now all of a sudden asking questions of these two? She isn't referencing a news article or some event, so it seems sort of out of the blue. This is, of course, typical for the Oklahoman when someone wants to rail against a Democrat or some progressive position. Real newspapers tend to keep their letters topical, but for the Oklahoman-- hardly a real newspaper-- any time someone gets the urge to scribble out "I hate Obama!" it gets printed.

In any case, what "logical" questions would Ms Bates ask?

• Does the school bully attack Mr. Tough Guy?

Uh. Did she really just use "Mr. Tough Guy" in a letter? And I suppose this is rhetorical, suggesting that the President and his Secretary of Defense aren't being, uh, "Mr. Tough Guy" enough? And thus vulnerable to a bully? Or something?? And this is a "logical" question? Can't wait for what's next!

• In the history of the world, how many nations have been attacked because of being too strong? 

Oooh! Good question. I CAN THINK OF ONE. Because sometimes, what one person thinks of as "too strong" comes across as "school bully" and then they get mad and fight back they best way they know how. GOOD QUESTION!!! And logical. WHAT COULD BE NEXT???

• How about eliminating the $75 wastebaskets?

AEF34ct4c#CWarcrt!!!! IS THAT EVEN A REAL QUESTION?!?! Jesus fuck. Obviously, Ms Bates-- who, it is clear, must be like 75 years old, is referring to the well-documents waste in the Pentagon (though much of that is a myth). But if she's asking that the Pentagon stop wasting money, GOOD LUCK!! But yes, great question. AND LOGICAL!!!!! What's next??

• How about rationing the trips made on Air Force One?

Uh.... OK. Nothing says "power" like "I'd love to come to your summit but I've already used my plane for the allotted number of days this month so I can't attend. Sorry." THIS IS A GREAT IDEA.

I guess it's some attempt to talk about cutting costs? Or something? But then why not just say that? How is this a "logical" question??!? Maybe the next one will be...

• How about rationing tax-paid First Family vacation trips?

IS THIS A QUESTION?!? It's three times she's started with "how about" which is more of a rhetorical tool that politely means "I think you should..." and is NOT A REAL QUESTION. But that's fine. And in any case, back then the President wasn't a black crypto-Muslim, I'm sure Ms Bates was still super upset about government spending and Presidential vacations, RIGHT??? Oh, wait. I guess not.

So then, after asking these truly trenchant, brilliant, insightful, and LOGICAL questions, we get this:

But I guess we need to signal to the enemy to come and attack us because we can't hurt them.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?! Like, for real. How does THIS follow from "logical" questions about FAMILY VACATIONS?!?!?!??!??!

This newspaper is the shittiest paper on earth and people like Mary Lou Bates are morons. Why something like this gets published is truly a mystery.